Rock-a-bye ...

S. calls it "rocky, and read."  As in, "I want to rocky, and read."  I rocked E. for years, she came home as a baby.  When you are rocking a baby, you are usually looking in their eyes, sometimes giving them a bottle, stroking their hair, holding their little hands, and looking at their little knuckles that sink in more than out, you smell their fresh baby powder skin, and kiss them over and over.  Our older children missed that with us, and still crave it.  So, we did "rocky, and read."  We don't do it every night anymore, but 2 to 4 times a week, I would say.  And, she was looking at me, looking for those adoring looks, and I was smiling back at her, and holding her hand, and marveling at her, as I would if she were a baby.  :)  I think it helps both of us.  I really do.  :)

9th Gotcha Day....

Yesterday was E.'s 9th Gotcha Day!!!  I can't believe it's been 9 years.  It was truly one of the best days of my life.  I love her so much beyond words.  I marvel at her every day.  She is an amazing gift from God. 

We celebrate her Gotcha Day a lot like a birthday.  Family, presents, food.  And, also, she gets to do whatever she wants all day long.  So, we went out to lunch, we went bowling, to the arcade, bumper cars, watched a movie.  Then we had the family over for her favorite, goulash, and cherry chip cake.  We sang "Happy Gotcha Day" to you.  And she blew out candles.

The day she became my daughter, and joined our family is such a magical wondrous day, it must be celebrated with great pomp.  :)  Nothing less would do.  :) 

9 years ago.  She was placed in my arms for the first time.  Describing that moment would be nearly impossible.  Because there is no amount of paper work you can fill out, no amount of time you can wait, and no amount of money you can pay that comes even close to making it possible for someone to place a precious child in your arms. 

Yes, adoption is long.  Yes, there are mounts of paperwork.  Yes, you have to wait a year or two until you get your child, (and sometimes longer).  And, yes, the fees, and expenses make any normal family empty their bank account, and finance several loans.  But, nothing, nothing you or I could ever do would make us worthy of a child, a beautiful child of God being placed in our care for our lifetime.  Nothing.  For this precious, and priceless gift from God is something that none of us are worthy of, and yet God allows us this great pleasure of a child.

My children are enormous joy to me.  I love them beyond words.  Happy Gotcha Day Baby Girl.  Mommy loves you so.

The Hug...

I hug my kids a lot.  I also tell them that I love them a lot.  I try to kiss their little cheeks a lot too, but that doesn't go over so well anymore.  :)

The other night I was going to tuck my baby S in, and do our regular night night routine.  Well, she sat right up in bed, and hugged me around the neck tight, and held on like she meant it.  It was the best hug she had given me in a long time, (maybe since one other time in India, in our hotel room).  :)

Usually, she will lean into the hug.  And then I say, "hug your Momma.  Squeeze your Momma.  Your Momma needs a squeeze."  :)  LOL.  She laughes, and, she gives me a squeeze, of course.  But, hardly ever does she just do it on her own.  So it was a magical moment for this Momma.  :)  I love my sweet girls so very much.  :) 

Happy Summer...

             Hi Blogger Friends.  Sorry it's been awhile.  Life is busy.  I think many blogs are falling by the way side.  I think people get really into their blogs while they are in process, and when they first get home.  Then, we are all too busy with "life," I guess. 
             S. is always talking.  She talks a lot.  And, she likes to talk about when she was "little".  This is how she refers to 16 months ago when she first came home.  :)  It's very cute.  And, since she has grown 6 and 1/2 inches since then, it's not completely inaccurate.  :)
            S. also likes to talk about her former life in vivid detail.  She also wonders often about why she couldn't come home as a baby like her sister E did.  :)  I wish she could have too, of course. 
            Today she started off, "Mom, I wish I was a baby.  If I was a baby, would you carry me around all the time?"
           Me, "yes."
           S. "Why didn't I come home as a baby?"
           Me. "Because you were with your first mom, remember?"
           S. "I don't remember having food at all with my first family.  When I first got to the orphanage, I had food, and I threw up every time I ate."
           Me. "Your belly wasn't used to food."
           S. "I wanted to come home sooner."
           Me. "I wish you could have come home sooner too."
           S. "My first mom died."
           Me. "I'm so sorry she died. But now she can watch you from Heaven. And you have two moms, me, and your first mom."
           E decided to join in the conversation.
           E. "Our cousin's friend was asking us tons of weird questions about adoption."
           Me. "Well, people that don't have adoption in their family are curious about it.  There are all different kinds of ways to make a family.  That's one of the things that makes life interesting."
           E.  "She asked if we were "real" sisters."
           Me. "What did you say?"
           E. "Yes."
           Me. "That's right, you are "real" sisters."
           E.  "She asked if you were our "real" mom."
           Me. "What did you say?"
           E. "We said yes."
          Me. "That's right.  I am your "real" mom.  You have two "real" moms.  Your first mom was your real mom.  And, I'm also your real mom.  You are just extra lucky that way.  And, I'm extra lucky to get to be your mom."  :)
          E.  "I know.  Then she was like, do you call her mom?"
          Me.  "And you told her you do, right?"
         E. "yes, why do people ask such weird questions?"
         Me.  "They are just curious."
         E. "Oh."
        
I'm glad they both feel like they can bring these things up, and talk about them.  The conversation went on for a bit, but you get the idea. 

They both seemed happy and fine when it was over.  We just have to keep talking with these little angels in our care.  :)  Thank you God. :)

Today...

Today we went to a garage sale.  I found some good stuff for the girls.  It was fun.

Then we went to soccer.  The girls had a double header.  The girls played hard.  They won one game, and lost one.

Then tonight we went to see a roller derby for the first time.  It was super cool.  It was way cooler than I thought it would be.  Those women are tough, and good skaters.

I just wrote a really really long entry about public education, and everything that is happening to it right now.  I just don't know if I want to post it or not.  :)  Stay tuned.  :)

First Moms, and/or birth Moms....

We love you.  We are thankful for you.  We are forever indebted to you.  For your precious angels we thank you. 

I wasn't sure what to do.  I wasn't sure if I should bring it up.  I mean, if it's not hurting their hearts, why should I make it an issue, if it's not an issue.  I was thinking about, and praying about it, not knowing what to do.

Then, at the very moment I was thinking about it, S said, "mom, I can't remember what my first mom looks like."  (This admission was a huge relief to me, in so many ways.  She's been making up what her first mom looked like, which is fine too, but she would say things like, my first mom was tall, and had yellow hair.  I don't think so honey.  Yes, she did.  Okay, honey.  etc.)  So, her admitting to me, that she did not remember symbolized a new level of trust, a new level of truth.

I said, "well, she probably looked like you."
Then I said, "do you think about your first moms on Mother's Day."
E was quick, "no."
S said, "Kinda's." 
E said, "maybe a little, sort of."
I said, "do you want to do something for your first moms for mothers day?"
E said, "like what?"
I said, "Well, some people light a candle, and say a prayer.  Some people buy flowers, and plant them in the garden.  You could write a letter, or make a card.  I know, we could buy balloons, and say what we want to say to them, and release the balloons."
Both girls said, "yeah."

So, we had a first mom ceremony.  I let the girls each pick out a balloon. 
We went outside, and they took turns, S. went first.
"Happy Mother's Day!  I love you!"  And she jumped up, and pushed her balloon into the sky.

Then E. went, "Happy Mother's Day!  I love you!  I hope you have a great day!"

Then, I said, "C.C. I am so thankful to you for taking good care of S. in your tummy, and until she was 3 years old.  I am so thankful to you for trusting me to take care of our daughter.  I love her so much."

Then I said, "S. I am so thankful to you for taking good care of E. while she was in your tummy.  I am so thankful that you trust me to care for our daughter.  I love her so much."

The girls just smiled, and acted silly the entire time.  :)  They were more concerned with how their balloon was flying than anything else.  :)  So cute.

Short Term Memory Problems...

Short term memory problems seem to be part of the deal with older adoptees.  At least with my S.  She has real problems with short term memory.  And other mental processing problems.  It's probably because of neglect, followed by over stimulation.  I'm sure she is on stimulation over load.  She has learned so much over the past year.  I can't imagine learning all that she has learned, and in a new language.  I might get confused now, and then too.

Tonight I served dinner, and put corn on her plate, a hot dog, mac & cheese.  (She had been at a play date.)  While she was eating, she looked up at me, and said, "What did you guys have for dinner?"  What?  Sort of funny.