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Tuesday, February 19, 2013

I have a confession... Today I turn 42.... Ouch....

So many things running my mind.  42.  What to say about that?  It feels like a slap in the face of reality.  I didn't feel that way at 40 or 41, but 42 most certainly feels that way.  I don't know why. It just does. 

So, what's going on...  tough stuff indeed.  Trouble at work.  Who thought at 42 I'd have trouble at work?  Not I.  I thought I would be settled into my job, self assured, and confident in my position.  Not so much.  I work hard, just as hard, or harder than I always have.  I love the kids.  I love my subject area.  I don't know.  I'm at a loss.  I don't know what to do.  So, I'll keep working hard, and harder, and harder, and stressing about it, and praying about it.  That's all I can do.  I certainly did not think I would have these feelings at 42.  42.  42.  An echo in my mind.  :)  Wish I could make this person like me, even love me, why not.  But I can't.  Just keep praying.

I thought I'd probably be married by now.  Ha. Ha.  But I'm not.  And, I'm happy most of the time.  But I'm not married.  And sometimes I think about those boys I dated in college, and some of whom, I blew off.  I'm sorry I blew them off.  But I can't go back.  There's nothing to be done about that.  Just keep praying.

I survived breast cancer.  It left scars, but I survived.  Prayers answered, or luck.  I don't know.  I keep praying.

I know there are people much better off than I am.  I know there are people who are much worse off than I am.  There's not much I can do about that, although, I'd like to.  I keep praying.

My girls, perfection.  I'm so thankful.  So thankful for them, their little lives, and minds, and sweetness.  Love.  Love.  Love.  I am truly blessed to be their Mommy.  Prayers answered.  For sure.  Prayers answered.  I just keep praying.

I love my friends, and my family, babies, pizza, and puppies.  Doesn't everybody ?

I have two masters degrees, and that's not bragging.  It just is what it is, but the state continues to expect more.  I think teachers get more continuing education, and inservices than doctors now, and it's still not enough.  People, the state, the government still want more, and for less, less and less all the time.  My pay has only gone down in the last five years, yet I'm luck y to have a job.  And, I know that, and I feel blessed to have a job.   But teachers need to feed their family too.  Right?  I keep praying.

I'll keep praying. 

I don't always say what I want to, because I want people to like me.  Maybe I'll start saying what I think.  LOL.  Maybe not.

I'll keep praying.

Only time will tell what this all means.  I certainly don't know.  I know I'll keep working hard to do my best at everything, always.  And, I know, for certain, I'll keep praying.

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