Merry Christmas, and Happy New Year...

I just wanted to say Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year to my two or three followers. :) / It's been a great year in many ways, and also a difficult year in some ways. / S.'s adjustment continues. Even though things are better, and better each day, there are still slips backwards here, and there that remind me of the delicate nature of her adjustment. She forces me to grow in patience and love each day. :) / S.'s communication skills continue to evolve. I can't be sure if she really understands, and enjoys frustrating me, or if there is still much she does not understand. :) She forgets things continually. Short term memory seems to be a problem, or like I said above, she thinks it's funny. :) Or a little of both. / E. still has her hard days adjusting to sharing the spot light. She's a really good big sister. She's caring, and sweet, and helpful. E. still has a hard time bouncing back from regular sister stuff, like getting her feelings hurt, it takes her a minute, but she comes around. S. sure does have a talent for teasing E. I have to say. / My car broke down for good this time. With adoption loans still for S., and many other bills, it's way less than ideal. I have a wonderful friend who loaned me their car, and another wonderful friend who is going to give me a car. Amazing miracles. I am amazed. I am blessed to know these people and call them friends. / S. has grown 8 inches, and gained 20 lbs since coming home, it will be 2 years in february. Crazy growth spurt. My love for he has grown in leaps and bounds over these two years as well. I've loved her since I first saw her picture, but my love for her continues to grow, and deepen. It's hard to believe, but it does.

Holiday Blues

Little S. is acting up a little. I think because of the holidays. I think it's common for kids that come home a little older to have a harder time on special occasions. Lately, she seems to think when I tell her to do something that it is optional. :) Silly kid. / Oh, and she said to me, "I was bad last year, and I still got presents from Santa." LOL. / I told her she has to try her hardest, and be mostly good, and Santa will forgive her for little mistakes. She is a crack up. / E. is doing really well in basketball. She works hard at it, and it's paying off. / My girls are such blessings to me. I love the holiday season with kids. That's what it's all about, the kids.

Sunday...

Sunday. So bitter sweet. :) Chin up. :) We can do this. :)

Terminator...

Some days, I feel like I'm robo cop, or terminator, or Duracell bunny, or something. I get up at 5:20 a.m. I wake up the girls. I pack lunches, and snacks. Tell the girls to get dressed 3 times, tell them to make their beds 3 times, and tell them to pack their bags 3 times. Then off we go to my mom's. I hug, and kiss them, and pick up my sister. I try to get a hug from my nephew, but he's pretty stingy with the hugs. I drive my sister to work, stop at a store, if needed. Then, off to work. I unlock my classroom door, and the doors of the teachers around me. I'm one of the first people there. I write the agenda on the board, and look over my lesson. Some mornings, I go down, and eat school breakfast; some mornings I have a breakfast bar of some sort. I correct papers. If it's my hall duty, I go in the hall. I teach three class, then my prep. I correct papers. I go to lunch with the other teachers on my team. We talk about our students at lunch. Afterwards, I teach three more hours. Then I stay after school for about an hour, and correct papers. Then I go get the girls. I ask them about their day. (On Tuesdays E. has tennis. On Thursdays S. has daisy's. Some days we go to my mom's and walk after school with my mom, and my sister.) Some days we do an errand or two, the bank, or a store, or the post office. Then I make dinner. The girls, and I put out their clothes for the next day. I ask if they have homework. If necessary, I help them with their home work. We eat dinner together. After dinner, the girls take showers. Then we watch t.v, then read. The girls go to bed pretty early. Then I try to straighten up, pay bills, or correct. Then, I wash my face, brush my teeth, put in my mouth guard, and fall into bed, usually by 11. Then I get up at 5:20 a.m., and do it all over again. It's go, go, go, go. Even Saturday, and Sunday have a schedule, and a routine. I'm exhausted. :) But I love it, and I would not change a thing. I love my girls to the moon and back. We are almost there. It's Thursday. Peace.

TGIF...

Thank God it's Friday. :) !!!

Ah, that special moment...

Ah, that special moment, when you see your daughter (S) after school, and think she might run up to you, and give you a hug, and be so glad to see you. :) And, she says, "what are you doing here?" LOL. So much for those movie moments. :) I don't know about you all, but this lady is tired. Night.

"Be the change"

Ghandi - "Be the change, you'd like to see in the world." // "Let's be the change." :) //

Please pray for me...

Please pray for me, for us, for our financial situation. Thank you.

Church Day...

I love my church, and not for the reasons some might think. I like it for the people that I see while I am there. They are all warm inviting sweet people who I am glad to know. It is very evident that they care about each other, and the world, and it makes me proud to be with them on Sundays. :) // After Church today the girls wanted to look at Toys. LOL. So, we went to a store, and just looked on the toy isles. We bought nothing. It's never too early to get ideas for Santa, I guess. :) // Then we went for a walk outside. A little chilly, but still a great day for a walk. // Then the girls played outside with their cousin. They played football, soccer, and tennis. Sooo cute. // My nephew is potty training right now, and giving his mom a run for her money. That's for sure. // Tonight we did homework, and read together. We read Mo Willems, Elephant, and Piggie book, Let's go for a drive, and the Fancy Nancy, the show must go on. Adorable books. My fourth grader had quite a load of homework. I sort of felt like I was back in school for a minute. // Now, I have to straighten up. Finish the laundry. Put out clothes, and snacks for tomorrow, and if I have any energy at all left over, I need to correct for my students. :) (I could also do dishes, balance my check book, clean some more things. But let's not get carried away. Right?) Have a great week everyone. :)

The Struggle

I'm struggling financially. Teachers keep getting paid less and less, because of cuts in funding, and also increases in insurance co-pays. It's really put me in a tight spot. I did become an Avon lady. But, I really do not do well at sales. I'm pretty worried about money right now. As I wrote in a previous post, I have 3 adoption loans, and 2 kids to support, and all the normal bills. It's tight, and it's rough. I need prayers, lots, and lots of prayers. I need to win the lottery. :) :) :) // I had a lovely day with my two lovies. Oh my word, I love those girls. I am blessed to be their Momma. We just hung out today. My girls rock. I'm so so so lucky.

Happy Birthday!!!

S.'s birthday. It's her 7th birthday, and her 2nd birthday celebration. Happy Birthday baby. :) // S has been so excited leading up to her birthday. She's been over excited, for over a week. She gets so excited that she can hardly enjoy it. Poor baby. :) // Happy Happy Birthday Baby. I love you so. // S. is a determined little girl. She tries her hardest at everything she does. I'm so proud of her.

The Solutions...

Two steps forward, three steps back. S. has had a little backwards movement as of late. A couple of bathroom accidents. Pee on the floor, toilet paper in the garbage instead of the toilet. Things like that. / I'm still looking into counseling. It's hard to decide who to have counsel your little one. That's for sure. / It's hard to know what to do. But I love her so, and I will continue to pray. / On another note, making ends meet has become increasingly difficult. With the price of health insurance these days, well any insurance really, who gets a raise anymore? Not many. Most people get pay decreases these days because of insurance prices. That coupled with 3 adoption loans, and raising 2 girls, as a teacher, well, you've got financial issues to say the least. I have become an Avon lady to try and dig myself out. I'm not a good sales person at all, but I think Avon sells itself. :) Thank you so much for visiting my blog. :)

Every once in awhile.......

Every once in awhile, just every now and then, I get it right. This was one of those times. I get it, that kids who are adopted at an older age need to be nurtured. They need to re-visit all those baby stages. I get it. I rock S., a lot. I would carry her more, but I just can't do it. I should have lifted weights before she came home. So, ... The girls were playing legos together. S. started having her angry problem over a lego. That's right, a lego. I told her I was going to rock her until she wasn't angry anymore. She was really even madder. Then I was rocking her, and hugging her, and I said, "S., do you have enough toys?" S. said, "yes." Me, "do you have too many toys?" S. said, "yes." Me, "You have so many people who love you, Grandma, and Auntie, and cousins, friends," I listed everyone I could think of. S. "Yes." Me, "Do you have enough clothes?" S. "yes." Me, "do you have too many clothes?" S. "yes." And, she was still pretty pissed off. Then, I said, "do you have a lot of love?" S. "Yes." Me, "Do you have a lot of food?" S."Yes." Me, "Do you have too much food." S. "NO," and then she started laughing. LOL. And, then amazingly, she was wonderful for the rest of the day. I mean best behavior. And, it was so the opposite of what I felt like doing. She was throwing a fit over one little lego piece. I wanted to put her in time out, but the whole rest of the day would have kept going that way. Little things would happen, followed by S.'s fit throwing, followed by time out, etc. I did the opposite of what I wanted to do, and I held her, and hugged her, and kissed her into a good mood. It was so weird. And, it work. LOL. :) I love her dearly. She's my baby. :)

Pajamies...

S. read a first reader to me before bed tonight. It was "Dora's Sleep Over," or something like that. Every time it said, pajamas. S. said, "pajamies." It was so cute. :)

Yikes...

Another school shooting. Horrible. Sad. So sad. Lord help us please.

My pout pout fish...

There is so much that S. still does not understand in life, in language etc. She pouts a lot, and gets mad a lot. It takes a lot of patience to explain everything calmly over and over and over again, especially when she is staring at me like she hates me. If someone gets something she doesn't, or even if they don't get the exact same thing right down to the color, there is pouting. S. will think her thing, whatever it is, is not as good as whatever it is E. got, for some reason. Then she pouts. Even with food, S. is always sizing up the amounts on people's plates. She wants to see if she got the exact same amount, or not, and if not, she gets angry. It can be perceived or real, it doesn't matter, she will get angry. Sometimes, when I'm explaining stuff to her she is so angry, she can't even focus on what I am saying. I've been working with her to take deep breaths. I do the balloon breathing with her, or sometimes just good old fashion deep breaths. She also doesn't like to be corrected. Any correction can set S. off. She gets very angry. She wants to be perfect, and she doesn't want anyone to tell her what to do. Again, I talk to her, explain to her, and tell her to take deep breaths. Also, I'm looking for a good child therapist. I'm still working on that one.

The School Year...

And, so it begins again. The busy schedules. The over load of information, and stimulas for everyone. The competition for kids with other kids, for teachers with other teachers, for schools with other schools, for countries with other countries. And, so it begins... Deep breath. / But, also, love, and hope, and the sparkle in a child's eye when they learn something new. :)

What happens next?

"Life is full of surprises, and that's what makes it fun." A college boyfriend told me that once, and I thought he was crazy. To me, at that time, surprises did not make life fun. Surprises made life unpredictable, scary even. But, today, I can honestly say, that not knowing what might happen next is exciting, and interesting. I mean, sure, we can plan, and we can work towards our plans, and hopes, and dreams, but the element of surprise is out there. We all know the saying, "the best laid plans." :) So, we all, especially me, need to learn to enjoy the ride. I mean, we need to do our best, of course. Plan, work hard, do our best,etc. But, then, we have to also enjoy it, enjoy it all, soak it in. Love our family. Breathe the air. Be at peace. And believe that something wonderful is about to happen. :)  I mean, why not.  Don't we deserve it?  A little peace, a little enjoyment. 

Lotto...

If I won the lotto, I would adopt another kid. :) For sure. First thing. :) What would you do ?

Rock-a-bye ...

S. calls it "rocky, and read."  As in, "I want to rocky, and read."  I rocked E. for years, she came home as a baby.  When you are rocking a baby, you are usually looking in their eyes, sometimes giving them a bottle, stroking their hair, holding their little hands, and looking at their little knuckles that sink in more than out, you smell their fresh baby powder skin, and kiss them over and over.  Our older children missed that with us, and still crave it.  So, we did "rocky, and read."  We don't do it every night anymore, but 2 to 4 times a week, I would say.  And, she was looking at me, looking for those adoring looks, and I was smiling back at her, and holding her hand, and marveling at her, as I would if she were a baby.  :)  I think it helps both of us.  I really do.  :)

9th Gotcha Day....

Yesterday was E.'s 9th Gotcha Day!!!  I can't believe it's been 9 years.  It was truly one of the best days of my life.  I love her so much beyond words.  I marvel at her every day.  She is an amazing gift from God. 

We celebrate her Gotcha Day a lot like a birthday.  Family, presents, food.  And, also, she gets to do whatever she wants all day long.  So, we went out to lunch, we went bowling, to the arcade, bumper cars, watched a movie.  Then we had the family over for her favorite, goulash, and cherry chip cake.  We sang "Happy Gotcha Day" to you.  And she blew out candles.

The day she became my daughter, and joined our family is such a magical wondrous day, it must be celebrated with great pomp.  :)  Nothing less would do.  :) 

9 years ago.  She was placed in my arms for the first time.  Describing that moment would be nearly impossible.  Because there is no amount of paper work you can fill out, no amount of time you can wait, and no amount of money you can pay that comes even close to making it possible for someone to place a precious child in your arms. 

Yes, adoption is long.  Yes, there are mounts of paperwork.  Yes, you have to wait a year or two until you get your child, (and sometimes longer).  And, yes, the fees, and expenses make any normal family empty their bank account, and finance several loans.  But, nothing, nothing you or I could ever do would make us worthy of a child, a beautiful child of God being placed in our care for our lifetime.  Nothing.  For this precious, and priceless gift from God is something that none of us are worthy of, and yet God allows us this great pleasure of a child.

My children are enormous joy to me.  I love them beyond words.  Happy Gotcha Day Baby Girl.  Mommy loves you so.

The Hug...

I hug my kids a lot.  I also tell them that I love them a lot.  I try to kiss their little cheeks a lot too, but that doesn't go over so well anymore.  :)

The other night I was going to tuck my baby S in, and do our regular night night routine.  Well, she sat right up in bed, and hugged me around the neck tight, and held on like she meant it.  It was the best hug she had given me in a long time, (maybe since one other time in India, in our hotel room).  :)

Usually, she will lean into the hug.  And then I say, "hug your Momma.  Squeeze your Momma.  Your Momma needs a squeeze."  :)  LOL.  She laughes, and, she gives me a squeeze, of course.  But, hardly ever does she just do it on her own.  So it was a magical moment for this Momma.  :)  I love my sweet girls so very much.  :) 

Happy Summer...

             Hi Blogger Friends.  Sorry it's been awhile.  Life is busy.  I think many blogs are falling by the way side.  I think people get really into their blogs while they are in process, and when they first get home.  Then, we are all too busy with "life," I guess. 
             S. is always talking.  She talks a lot.  And, she likes to talk about when she was "little".  This is how she refers to 16 months ago when she first came home.  :)  It's very cute.  And, since she has grown 6 and 1/2 inches since then, it's not completely inaccurate.  :)
            S. also likes to talk about her former life in vivid detail.  She also wonders often about why she couldn't come home as a baby like her sister E did.  :)  I wish she could have too, of course. 
            Today she started off, "Mom, I wish I was a baby.  If I was a baby, would you carry me around all the time?"
           Me, "yes."
           S. "Why didn't I come home as a baby?"
           Me. "Because you were with your first mom, remember?"
           S. "I don't remember having food at all with my first family.  When I first got to the orphanage, I had food, and I threw up every time I ate."
           Me. "Your belly wasn't used to food."
           S. "I wanted to come home sooner."
           Me. "I wish you could have come home sooner too."
           S. "My first mom died."
           Me. "I'm so sorry she died. But now she can watch you from Heaven. And you have two moms, me, and your first mom."
           E decided to join in the conversation.
           E. "Our cousin's friend was asking us tons of weird questions about adoption."
           Me. "Well, people that don't have adoption in their family are curious about it.  There are all different kinds of ways to make a family.  That's one of the things that makes life interesting."
           E.  "She asked if we were "real" sisters."
           Me. "What did you say?"
           E. "Yes."
           Me. "That's right, you are "real" sisters."
           E.  "She asked if you were our "real" mom."
           Me. "What did you say?"
           E. "We said yes."
          Me. "That's right.  I am your "real" mom.  You have two "real" moms.  Your first mom was your real mom.  And, I'm also your real mom.  You are just extra lucky that way.  And, I'm extra lucky to get to be your mom."  :)
          E.  "I know.  Then she was like, do you call her mom?"
          Me.  "And you told her you do, right?"
         E. "yes, why do people ask such weird questions?"
         Me.  "They are just curious."
         E. "Oh."
        
I'm glad they both feel like they can bring these things up, and talk about them.  The conversation went on for a bit, but you get the idea. 

They both seemed happy and fine when it was over.  We just have to keep talking with these little angels in our care.  :)  Thank you God. :)

Today...

Today we went to a garage sale.  I found some good stuff for the girls.  It was fun.

Then we went to soccer.  The girls had a double header.  The girls played hard.  They won one game, and lost one.

Then tonight we went to see a roller derby for the first time.  It was super cool.  It was way cooler than I thought it would be.  Those women are tough, and good skaters.

I just wrote a really really long entry about public education, and everything that is happening to it right now.  I just don't know if I want to post it or not.  :)  Stay tuned.  :)

First Moms, and/or birth Moms....

We love you.  We are thankful for you.  We are forever indebted to you.  For your precious angels we thank you. 

I wasn't sure what to do.  I wasn't sure if I should bring it up.  I mean, if it's not hurting their hearts, why should I make it an issue, if it's not an issue.  I was thinking about, and praying about it, not knowing what to do.

Then, at the very moment I was thinking about it, S said, "mom, I can't remember what my first mom looks like."  (This admission was a huge relief to me, in so many ways.  She's been making up what her first mom looked like, which is fine too, but she would say things like, my first mom was tall, and had yellow hair.  I don't think so honey.  Yes, she did.  Okay, honey.  etc.)  So, her admitting to me, that she did not remember symbolized a new level of trust, a new level of truth.

I said, "well, she probably looked like you."
Then I said, "do you think about your first moms on Mother's Day."
E was quick, "no."
S said, "Kinda's." 
E said, "maybe a little, sort of."
I said, "do you want to do something for your first moms for mothers day?"
E said, "like what?"
I said, "Well, some people light a candle, and say a prayer.  Some people buy flowers, and plant them in the garden.  You could write a letter, or make a card.  I know, we could buy balloons, and say what we want to say to them, and release the balloons."
Both girls said, "yeah."

So, we had a first mom ceremony.  I let the girls each pick out a balloon. 
We went outside, and they took turns, S. went first.
"Happy Mother's Day!  I love you!"  And she jumped up, and pushed her balloon into the sky.

Then E. went, "Happy Mother's Day!  I love you!  I hope you have a great day!"

Then, I said, "C.C. I am so thankful to you for taking good care of S. in your tummy, and until she was 3 years old.  I am so thankful to you for trusting me to take care of our daughter.  I love her so much."

Then I said, "S. I am so thankful to you for taking good care of E. while she was in your tummy.  I am so thankful that you trust me to care for our daughter.  I love her so much."

The girls just smiled, and acted silly the entire time.  :)  They were more concerned with how their balloon was flying than anything else.  :)  So cute.

Short Term Memory Problems...

Short term memory problems seem to be part of the deal with older adoptees.  At least with my S.  She has real problems with short term memory.  And other mental processing problems.  It's probably because of neglect, followed by over stimulation.  I'm sure she is on stimulation over load.  She has learned so much over the past year.  I can't imagine learning all that she has learned, and in a new language.  I might get confused now, and then too.

Tonight I served dinner, and put corn on her plate, a hot dog, mac & cheese.  (She had been at a play date.)  While she was eating, she looked up at me, and said, "What did you guys have for dinner?"  What?  Sort of funny.

Teachers...

Public education is one of the hallmarks of a free society.  Without public education, we are not truly free.  The things that are going on in this country against education right now are ludicrous. 

It's teacher appreciation week.  I had teachers that made huge differences in my life.  It's one of the reasons I wanted to become a teacher.  I remember band, and art, sewing, and government, typing, and English, econ, and business math, algebra, and French.  I remember drama club, and dance team, and prom.  It was amazing.  Not only the subject matter, but the life lessons my teachers passed along were priceless.  I can't begin to pay my debt with two words, but I will try anyway.  Thank you.

If a teacher made a difference in your life, let them know.  We are a dying breed.

Better day...

Little miss S. was back to herself today.  Well, a little more loving than her normal.  I think she was trying to make up for the weekend.  She kept jumping on me, and hugging me over and over.  I don't really care why.  I'm just grateful.  :)

Promised Land...

If you have not yet watched Matt Damon's Promised Land, you should.  It's an important movie.  It explains really well what fracking companies do, how they operate. 

Stop fracking everyone.  Just stop.  If we don't have clean water, nothing much else matters, does it?

Little Stinker...

Someone was a little stinker today.  S. was just having trouble relating to me in a pleasant way today.  I don't know what to do with that.  She grunted at me a couple of times.  She pushed me away when I tried to hug her.  She kept doing things, she knew she shouldn't.  It breaks my heart.

There were many good days inbetween the last post and this one.  I thought we were getting to a different place.  But, now, I think we are getting to a different place again, but not one I want to be at.  15 months home, and a bump in the road.  It's to be expected, I suppose, with all she's been through.  Who knows what's running through her little mind.  I asked her why all day long, she just kept saying, "I don't know."

I gave her lots of time outs (or time ins, I stay in sight), and a lot of hugs, and a lot of talks.  I don't know what is sinking in, and what isn't.  She seems to be sliding backwards a little bit right now.  I hope and pray it will get back to normal.  And, in my heart, I know it will.  Come on baby girl, you can do it.  I love you little S., with all my heart, and soul.

From one of today's readings in church today, "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give to you.  I do not give to you as the world gives.  Do not let your hearts be troubled, and do not let them be afraid."  Are there any more comforting words in world?  Peace be with you all.    

Older Adoption....

Older adoption is not easy.  It's difficult, and it's work everyday.  I love S. with all my heart, and I think that takes us through a lot, but it's not easy.

The nervous ticks.  She has a number of them.  When she first arrived home, she twirled her hair continually, which was kind of cute, except, she did it so vigorously.  Then a few months later, she started moving her shoulders up and down all the time, a little stranger.  Now she moves her neck all around like she has a disorder or something, and she doesn't.  She also bits her nails continually.  They are little stubs.  This week, we all went and got a  manicure, and she has already chewed off the nail polish.  Yikes.  I don't want her to eat nail polish. 

One of the hardest things for me is she remembers her birth mom.  I'm sure it's one of the hardest things for her too.  If you are adopting an older child, older than 3 or 4, be ready for this sort of inflated memory.  Her "first mom" was a saint.  :)  Of course.  If you are going to make up a memory, or fill it in, why would you fill it in realistically?  Just go for it, in terms of imginary perfection.

So last night, S. says, "I'm going to be tall like my mom."  (Okay, the doctor's have said, she will maybe be 5' 1" tall, when she is an adult.)  (I'm 5' 4" maybe 5' 3&1/2" :) 
So, she said it over, and over, and over again, "I'm going to be tall like my mom.  I'm going to be just like my real mom."
Shot through the heart.  Your "real mom".  The person whom I will never be, but wish I was.  Let that sink in.  Ouch.  Your "real mom."  I feel pretty real.  It feels real, when I'm rocking you when you are sick, or when I am cleaning up your puke, or reading to you, or playing games with you, or cooking for you, or doing your laundry, it feels real to me.  It feels really real when you are being rude to sister E., and she is crying herself to sleep at night.  It feels really really real.  Deep breath.

I look at her, "like your mom," I say.
Yes, "like my real mom," she repeats, twisting the knife.
"I'm your mom too," I say.
She says, "I know, my real mom."
Me - "You probably will look like your first mom, that's true.  I'm your real mom too."
S. - "You are my step mom, right?"
Me - "No, I'm your real mom too.  Aren't you lucky?  You got two real moms.  Your first mom, and me, your second mom."
S. - "Oh, okay."
Me - "S., your first mom was probably not tall.  You are only supposed to be 5' 1" when you grow up.  That's shorter than Mommy."
S. - "No, my mom was way taller than you."
Me - "Okay, but I don't think so."
S. - "She was.  She was really tall."
Me. - "Okay, honey."

What could prepare you for this conversations, and thousands like them.  Praying.  I do a ton of that.  Talking.  I talk to other adoptive parents a lot.  Reading books.  I've read a few.  I could read some more.
It is what it is.  And I do love my daughter.  But this is not what I imagined. 

I imagined, she would adore me, and my older daughter.  I imagined our relationship would be a lot like the one I have with my older daughter.  But it's not.  It's different.  Not different bad, necessarily, just different.  I feel guilty that it's not the same relationship that I have with my other daughter.  I wanted it to be the same, but it's not.  So here we are muttling through each day the best we can.  I think she loves me.  I know that she knows I love her.  I tell her 20 times a day, or more.  But I don't know when she will feel it.  When it will sink in.  When she will relax, and stop twirling her hair, shaking her shoulders, rolling her neck, biting her nails, and just be okay?  I don't know.  But for this, I pray.  Amen.

Our Spring Break has ended.... :(

These are my Easter Princesses.  :)  It doesn't get much cuter than that, does it?
We had a very busy spring break stay-cation.  We did everything in town that there was to do.  I am exhausted.  The girls had a great time.  I love them so.

Spring Break - Stay-cation....

We are having a stay-cation for spring break.  :)  We are doing everything in town for kids that we can.  So far we've gone to a movie, tennis lessons, to see the Easter bunny, out to eat, and more.  We are having a blast.  :)  I love extra time with my girls.  We are so blessed.

I'm also catching up on my oscar movies.  I did watch Zero Dark Thirty, even though I do not think those secrets should have come out.  I think that stuff should always always always be top secret to protect Americans, and also, so we can use those top secret tactics again, if we need to.  Also, why give the world more reasons to hate us with movies, and braggings about what we have done.  Everyone at the high up levels that have clearance to know these things, should always say, "I can't comfirm, nor deny such and such."  They should not be interviewed about these matters on news shows.  Give me a break, you know?  Geesh.  Everyone would have known it was American anyway, whether we bragged about it or not,  but by braggin we put ourselves in more danger, I think.  That's just my feeling.

Having said that, Holywood made one hell of a movie out of it.  Great movie.  Also, humans are amazing.  What that woman accomplished, and all the people that helped her, amazing.  And, the Navy Seals, wow, absolutely amazing, amazing, amazing. 

I've been trying to watch Lincoln too, ha, ha, ha, but I've fallen asleep twice.  LOL.  OMG.  When I finally watch it, I'll post about it. 

Argo...

Argo.
Great story.
Scary.
I don't know why they decide to unclassify stuff though.
Maybe those secrets should never come out. 
I haven't seen zero dark thirty yet, but I really don't think they should have made a movie about that yet.
It could endanger us all. 
Argo was almost too scary for me.  I couldn't breathe in parts.  I wonder if it was really that close.  Crazy scary.
Happy ending though.  And, who doesn't love a true story with a happy ending?

I have a confession... Today I turn 42.... Ouch....

So many things running my mind.  42.  What to say about that?  It feels like a slap in the face of reality.  I didn't feel that way at 40 or 41, but 42 most certainly feels that way.  I don't know why. It just does. 

So, what's going on...  tough stuff indeed.  Trouble at work.  Who thought at 42 I'd have trouble at work?  Not I.  I thought I would be settled into my job, self assured, and confident in my position.  Not so much.  I work hard, just as hard, or harder than I always have.  I love the kids.  I love my subject area.  I don't know.  I'm at a loss.  I don't know what to do.  So, I'll keep working hard, and harder, and harder, and stressing about it, and praying about it.  That's all I can do.  I certainly did not think I would have these feelings at 42.  42.  42.  An echo in my mind.  :)  Wish I could make this person like me, even love me, why not.  But I can't.  Just keep praying.

I thought I'd probably be married by now.  Ha. Ha.  But I'm not.  And, I'm happy most of the time.  But I'm not married.  And sometimes I think about those boys I dated in college, and some of whom, I blew off.  I'm sorry I blew them off.  But I can't go back.  There's nothing to be done about that.  Just keep praying.

I survived breast cancer.  It left scars, but I survived.  Prayers answered, or luck.  I don't know.  I keep praying.

I know there are people much better off than I am.  I know there are people who are much worse off than I am.  There's not much I can do about that, although, I'd like to.  I keep praying.

My girls, perfection.  I'm so thankful.  So thankful for them, their little lives, and minds, and sweetness.  Love.  Love.  Love.  I am truly blessed to be their Mommy.  Prayers answered.  For sure.  Prayers answered.  I just keep praying.

I love my friends, and my family, babies, pizza, and puppies.  Doesn't everybody ?

I have two masters degrees, and that's not bragging.  It just is what it is, but the state continues to expect more.  I think teachers get more continuing education, and inservices than doctors now, and it's still not enough.  People, the state, the government still want more, and for less, less and less all the time.  My pay has only gone down in the last five years, yet I'm luck y to have a job.  And, I know that, and I feel blessed to have a job.   But teachers need to feed their family too.  Right?  I keep praying.

I'll keep praying. 

I don't always say what I want to, because I want people to like me.  Maybe I'll start saying what I think.  LOL.  Maybe not.

I'll keep praying.

Only time will tell what this all means.  I certainly don't know.  I know I'll keep working hard to do my best at everything, always.  And, I know, for certain, I'll keep praying.

Huge Crazy Growth Spurt...

HI Blogger Friends.  :)
Growth Spurt...  Well, S. has grown nearly 6 inches, and we are almost to one year together, (on Feb. 7).  Yep, 6 inches. It's hard for me, because I missed so much of her life as it is, so for her to grow so fast, it just sort of sinks in more, and makes me sad all over again, about missing her baby, toddler, pre-school years.  It really makes me sad sometimes.  And, I thought I had gotten over that grief of missing her baby years, but I don't know if I have.  I just wish she could have come home as a baby, and it's grief for me, unfortunately.  But, it seems like the longer she has been home, the grief is getting less, and less.  Eventually, hopefully, I'll be able to let go of what I missed.  I pray that I will.

Food fight...

Food fight....
Hmmm.  Everyone is going to handle it differently.  It is so personal how we handle things.  However, I do have a little advice for anyone who wants it.  And my advice is...

"Don't do it."

Don't have the food fight.  Kids naturally know how much they "need".  Kids will naturally stop when they are full, if you will let them.

When children first get home from the orphanage, they are hungry.  In more than one way, right?  And, they can't get enough food, or attention.  Let them eat.  Don't fight it.  It will even out.  If you fight with them about it, it will never even out.  They will fight back for ever, and always want more. 

But once they really feel they can have as much as they want, whenever they want to, they won't be so worried about it, and it will even out.

When S. came home, she was an itty bitty 5 and 1/2 year old.  She was malnurished, and weak.  I told her with the computer translater that we would always have food, and that she could eat whenever she wanted to.  I showed her all our food in the kitchen.

The reason I did this is, because I talked to a 15 year old adoptee, who had come home around 5 or 6.  I asked her what her favorite memory from when she first came home was.  This young lady told me that when her mother showed her all the food, and told her there would always be food.   She said she was so relieved.  I took that advice, and did the same for my daughter.

At first S. didn't want to eat.  I made her try everything, at least one bite.  She went through a spitting phase, where she would spit her food on the floor, sort of like a baby or toddler.  I still made her try one bite of everything.

Then, she went through the can't get enough phase.  She once ate 5 tacos.  This itty bitty 5 and 1/2 year old, ate 5 tacos.  :)  No kidding.  It scared me a little.  :)  Hee.  Hee.

Now, at almost a year home, (we are at 11 months home), she is evening out.  She instinctively eats what she needs.  She is not obsessed.  She doesn't over eat. 

I didn't fight it.  I just let her go.  I let her eat what she wanted or felt she "needed", and she came through it.  She's starting to feel secure.  I am very blessed.  I love her so. 

Just in general, another word of advice for parents who want it, the "clean plate club" is for the birds.  No one should make their kids clean their plates, in my opinion.  Back in the day, the '70's, almost every parent made their kids clean their plate.  It's no good.  It just makes you into an adult, who feels this underlying need to clean their plate, instead of listening to your instincts.  I believe "clean plate club" equals over weight adults.  I really do.  But again, it's all very personal how we handle these things.

Parenting sure isn't easy.  And we all love our kids, and try so hard for them.  Love is the most important thing, for sure.  That's all for now.  Good luck.  :)